I was asked to get a musical number together for a stake R.S. talent show. Arrgh. I love singing, but I am not getting better at it. I used to take lessons and then I got prego with JD and they stopped. I asked the lady why she asked me and she said because she wanted the best. No pressure. Anyway, I chose a beautiful hymn and asked three other ladies to sing with me and another to play. I get so nervous that I wanted to sing melody so that I didn't mess up the performance. The song had two notes that I can hit if I don't think about them. The trouble is I think about them. I practiced for months and could sing the song with only a little trepidation. Then we started to practice together. Oh, well.
Last night was the performance. I was warmed up and felt good. Then I saw all the displays of other peoples' talents and I began to get really nervous. This was a bigger deal than I thought and it was very humbling. Husbands were invited and the old stake president was there (our stake was just divided). Every time I am around him something happens and I make a fool of myself. I knew I was doomed. There was chamber music and lovely refreshments. I had a little lemon/lime drink to whet my whistle, but nothing to eat. The musical numbers began; we were second. We started well and then my throat got clogged during those worrisome two notes during the four part harmony acapella section. I blew it. I was yet again the weakest link. Even though I was praying really hard that I wouldn't mess it up, I did anyway. "Every number had a flaw," says my sweet hubby in an effort to console me. Which I interpreted to mean, "You messed up." I told him before we started that if he made me feel bad he was sleeping on the couch. He made a valiant effort to be tactful. Too bad I was unconsolable. What you dread is sure to come to pass. I am my biggest enemy and I don't want to do that to myself anymore. I am so upset about it that I am going back to bed. Maybe I'll come out for the fireworks on Monday.
You sound like me. I always psych myself out as well. Years later I can kindof laugh at the loud wrong note I played that reverbated in the Tabernacle Hall during Christmas season at Temple Square...
ReplyDeleteSounds like it was a fun night if you can get past the mistakes. And I have to laugh at Big T's efforts at honesty and tact. Bless his man's heart. I'm thinking there was a no-win for him!
My advice? Try to replay all the right notes in your memory and not the wrong ones!
Yeah..those darn songs have so many notes in them and think of all the ones you got right! I don't think dwelling on the negative 1% of the song will help anyone. "what happened happened" (LOST) and next time it is not bound to happen again. If so, just be glad you're at church and not American Idol.
ReplyDeletePTSD? yeah, it's why I AVOID PUBLIC SPEAKING LIKE THE PLAGUE. I bombed a talk--( didn't have written notes--just memorized) that's a problem when your mind goes blank...for what seems like forever.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I hope you don't let this one incident get you down --at least not for too long.
Rise like the Phoenix.
(Feel free to throw this right back at me when I have to give my next talk:)
I remember once singing for a church event - and blowing it to the tune of... well, the tune of the entirely wrong song... okay - well, I'm pretty sure I sang part of the song an octave too high due to nervous freak-out... I swore I'd never sing in that ward again. We're still in the same ward though - and yes, I've sung again... and thankfully done MUCH better (seriously, it couldn't have gotten any worse... seriously)
ReplyDeleteI know, that doesn't make it all better... but the man is right here... there are flaws in everything - it keeps us humble... and unless you're surrounded by the MOST judgmental people on earth they understand that we all goof up.
seriously - I LOVE when people goof up - it makes me feel better. I wanted to clap a few weeks ago when some guy flubbed part of his ceremony (but we don't clap in the temple right?)
I still remember the organ solo I was asked to do even though I don't technically play the organ. I biffed the last note. Sigh. I've psyched myself out enough before that when I sat down after performing I've cried and cried -- right in front of everyone. Ah well. It's good for us to try and it's good to try to remember how many notes we get right, and how brave we were to do it when we were afraid. Bravery is good! You have courage. I'm proud of you. Don't give up, you have a lovely voice and invariably we are our worst critics. Everyone else probably thought it was great.
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