Happy Velentine's Day
I am feeling grumpy so I decided to make a list of things I love. I am having a hard time coming up with something positive because it might ruin my bad mood and then God will see that I am OK and give me a new trial. Crazy, I know. I am afraid and at the bottom of a deep hole. I don't want it any deeper because I can't climb out of it as it is. I am afraid to move on because at least I know this misery. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I see the horror of both places and I don't want any choice I see before me.
I realize that by being unhappy I am not punishing God, just myself. I am not trying to be blasphemous, just curious. Does it hurt Him when He plans out a life for us that is full of pain? He appointed me to this life and I said, "Thy will be done," not because I was jumping for joy about trails, but because I knew that it would be best. Job had it good. He had everything taken away but his mind. Being mindless is worse. It cuts you off from God and you don't know what comes from Him or other sources.
So with courage in the face of fear, that being to cheer myself up only to be knocked down the very next minute, here goes the list.
1. Bennett
I love Bennett. As a parent you do not get favorites, but his behavior is my favorite. While I have been sick, he has chosen to be helpful and plesant. I came upstairs this morning to a huge poster on the fridge made by him for me for Valentine's Day. He is a good boy who makes good choices. God gave him to me as a blessing and I just hope my lousy parenting doesn't mess him up for life.
2. Books
I love looking at them, reading them, understanding their message and applying it to my life. I love writing them. Writing brings me joy. It is something that lasts and is not wiped away the moment you finish. It leaves a mark on humanity.
3. Jewelry and clothes
Art that you wear. What could be better? I love wearing jewelry and creating it. Like writing, it is something that lasts longer than the moment. Clothes can make the difference between the best day ever and the worst day ever. If you can afford to shop for your body type you never look bad even if you are fat. Too bad my budget is clearence isle rejects. Once in a while you can find a true gem. It should coincide that I love DI for that reason, but no. I hate it. I have never had good luck finding quality there like my sister does. I alwasys discover why the item was donated at the most inoportune time (like the zipper doesn't stay up and I'm at a dinner party).
So, not to upset you or anyone else who thinks the same way but, God does not hurt us. We hurt our selves in the choices we make and the choices other people make. It is that free agency that we are given to make our own choices. Hopefully we all can have the spirit that will lead us in the direction to eternal life. Just like we let or kids learn and grow from their experiences our Heavenly Father gives us the same, so we can grow. We made the choice to come to this earth knowing the trials we were going to face, may be not all our action and choices individually, because we just don't know. But we new we would face Satan and his angels and we still chose to come here. That says a lot about us as Spirits, that we had so much trust, Love, and Faith in Heavenly Father and His plan. I know it is hard and harder for other people but we can forget that Heavenly Father is not making our lives miserable and hurting us. He Loves us and Wants the best for us, which is why he has given us some many things in this world that is good. The Gospel, books, our kids. Michelle, you are a good person, with struggles but I will tell you again that you are loved by so many.
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