Closed Door Open Window

Noelle took this picture (I don't have one of her).  I like it because no one is looking in the same direction, I only look a little fat, and my vampire skin isn't as obvious.

  When something bad happens people try to help you stay upbeat by saying, "When one door closes another one opens."  While I believe that to be true, The second door, or window of opportunity, has not opened yet.  My very dear friend is moving away.  It is all for very good reasons, but I am ticked.  Enough losing friends!  Every time I make a new friend, I leave or they leave.  I have lived here for years now, (which is something that I do not get to say often:  13 moves in seven years was our story before this) and I have lost so many friends.  First, it was Carolee, (who is expecting, by the way) then Carlie, then Jennifer.  Why?!  Now, Noelle is moving to Orem to go back to school.  Yes, it is best for them.  Yes, it is completely selfish of me to wish for them to stay.  Amidst the ruins of my broken heart, I wish the best for them and hope they find happiness.
  While I still have friends, we are not as close as we used to be.  Two have paired off and train for triathlons together.  I alienated the other when I got pregnant.  She wants to have another baby so bad it hurts and what do I do after I swear to never have another?  I have another.  That must have broken her heart.  If it had been up to me, I would have traded places with her.  She is such a good mother and she is organized.  Alas, it was not in the cards and I got to heave the most perfect baby on Earth.  I guess we want most what we can't have.  She wants a baby and I want friends.
   A while ago I blogged about the personality test my father gave me that revealed my extroverted nature in black and white.  I can't be more people needy even if I tried.  My walking group went up in smoke when I got pregnant, craft day stopped, play group stopped.  The only reason I get out of bed in the morning is because I have to change diapers.  I have no family nearby, which means I have to make friends in order to survive.  I understand better the sorrow Christ felt when his friends and disciples fell asleep in the garden during the most trying time of His young life.  I am one year younger than He was, while I can in no way equalize the experiences, I feel a little of His pain.  I am not trying to trivialize something so sacred, but I feel like this is a personal Gethsemane for me and has been for most of my life.  I guess I need to learn that He is my only constant and permanent friend, but since He isn't here right now, I need a substitute.
  So I will drag myself out of bed and take a shower (maybe).  Then I will get dressed and go to Lunch Ladies (so grateful it is today).  I will be kind and, hopefully, charming so that somebody will like me enough to call me when I am low, to go shopping with me so that I don't overspend and only make good  purchases,  go walking, lend and borrow books, and trade babysitting.  In return I will make her life fun and exciting.  She will be thought of with only the best thoughts, loved like a sister (with whom I get along), and receive random acts of service.  Maybe tomorrow will be a better day and I will actually want to get out of bed.  Until then, I will finish my leftover-birthday-ice cream-breakfast (hey, my goal was to not eat it during Biggest Loser, not to stop eating it), read a romance novel (not a smutty one), play with Sweet Boy and his new birthday presents, and buy B some pants that fit.
   Farewell my sweet friend.  May your higher education bring you happiness and joy that you never thought possible.  May you be safe, healthy, successful, and go with my prayers, thoughts, and love.