Journaling Tender Mercies

     My blog is my journal and that is why it is more personal than other blogs.  I need to keep and remember my blessings.  Thus the second post.  I have been too ill, busy, side-tracked, or whatever excuse I use to record some of the feelings I've had since my last post and I need to record them now before I lose the memory of what I have learned forever.
     I felt the need to go visit my mother a while ago and so I just packed up the little boys and left.  I stayed a little less than a week with the intent of spending most of that time away in the temple with my mom watching my boys.  It didn't happen that way.  I went to the temple the first morning with no intention other than staying for as much of the day as possible.
     I noticed the need for initiatory services and so I volunteered.  This was the first time doing them for me.  I hadn't done it again since my own because my own creeped me out.  This time it was the most beautiful experience I have ever had at the temple.  There was nothing weird or creepy about it.  My whole being was filled and every need and question seemed answered.  I left feeling that my need to stay at the temple had vanished and that I needed to spend some time with my mom and boys.  I went home on Sunday and hoped that everything would now be alright.  It wasn't and things are still not better, but at least I had that one moment where I felt I was not alone in the universe even though I was surrounded by people.  I guess the only place I really feel loved and understood is the temple.  I guess that is why we are supposed to go back so that we feel that love often enough to remember it outside of the temple, too.
     I wish that it was common practice in my area for there to be a babysitting trading group so that I could go more.  I wish that it didn't take five hours to do a session.  I wish I had the gas money to go.  I wish a lot of things, but you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled first.  I guess I am not really showing more faith like I had hoped to as mentioned in my last post.  I guess that is why we are given long lives so that we can work on getting it right for many years.
     My point in this post is that I did feel the Spirit and my anguish was relieved for a small time because I attended the temple.  Go.  Often.  No excuses.