Music and Motivation

     Right now I am listening to a song on my Sacred Cello CD.  I love it.  It soothes my soul.  I have made a playlist for times when I need peace.  Three or four of my favorite seminary video soundtracks songs are in that playlist as well.  The first one is My Soul Hungered.

     Oh, my soul hungered, my heart cried out:
     Please, Lord, release me from pain and from doubt.
     Oh, my soul hungered--the moment I knelt down to pray,
     And felt all my doubts wash away.
     Oh, my soul hungered, He heard my cry.
     The voice of the Lord spoke peace to my mind
     Oh, my soul hungered, things that were old became new
     When I learned to feel what I already knew.
     With all my heart, with all my soul,
     I wrestled before the Lord to make my life whole.
     He filled my hunger, He fed my soul.  He fed my soul.
     The truth that belonged to everyone else
     Is now a sacred part of myself.
     Oh, I found out what I could not find,
     When I heard with my heart
     What I knew in my mind.
     With all my heart, with all my soul,
     I wrestled before the Lord to make my life whole.
     He filled my hunger, He fed my soul. He fed my soul.
     Oh, my soul hungered. 

     The second song I want to share is The Whole Armor of God.  I don't have a copy of the words to the song, but I've written some of the pertinent ones that I can understand when I listen.  

     What soldier enters life's battle field,
     Without a sword, without a shield?
     I take my sword and shield each day
     When I kneel down and humbly pray.
     I take my place in the ranks of youth,
     I learn His word and I love the truth.
     Prepared to do my part in this war,
     I know what it is I am fighting for
     With helmet in place with sword in hand
     With the shield of faith we are worthy to stand
     With the gospel of peace our feet are shod
     Valiant and strong in the armor of God.
     We have on the armor of God.
     Sometimes I stumble beneath the blow.
     My heart is troubled my courage low.
     The fear whispers I cannot win,
     I put on his strength and rise again.

     The point of the quoted lyrics is that both songs put me in mind of the same thing.  In order to put on the whole armor of God you need to be incredibly strong.  If it were really steel plate armor I wouldn't be able to pick it up at all.  I could maybe put on the helmet and not fall over.  So how do I get strong enough to actually wear this heavy armor.  The answer is given in the first verse of the song, "When I kneel down and humbly pray."
     The shield of faith needs to be made and/or acquired before you can put it on.  You can't win the battle if you do not know how to use the sword that is in your hand.  That is where the first song comes in.  To me, it is about feeling a great void in your life.  We all seek to fill that void and the young man in the song realizes the only good way to fill it is to pray and beg God to help.  This lucky man actually got what he prayed for and now I am sure that he can stand in the ranks of youth, knowing what he is fighting for, and win the battle.
     I felt a small part of my empty soul fill when I went to the temple a while ago.  I wanted it to be completely filled, but it wasn't.  I wanted the part that was filled to stay full, but it didn't.  As I said yesterday, I need to go to the temple more often.
     The reason these songs is on repeat is so that I will stop being jealous of the young man in the song.  I want to remember when He filled my soul.  I want to believe that my starving soul will one day be filled when I kneel to pray.  I want to have hope and not die of broken heart disease.  I want to believe that every good thing in my life is not, "a painted drop behind which other troubles lie."  I think I have listened to these songs a hundred times in the last two days.  I still feel like I am missing the point.  I will continue to listen to these songs until the truth they proclaim resonates within my soul; until I am no longer hungry and the voice of the Lord speaks peace to my soul.  I will listen until this truth that belonged to everyone else is a sacred part of myself.