Ever since then, I have been unable to force myself to live, to the fullest, the life I have chosen. Why is that? Does anyone else feel that way? I hope I'm not alone. So instead of living, I substitute a good book. I dream about books, I write books, I read books, I do everything except my housewifely duties.
Yes, recognizing the problem is the first step to recovery. But do I want to recover? I'm afraid that If I clean and re-clean my house every day, whether it stays clean for five minutes or not, that I will miss out on all the reasons we get married, go to work, and live our lives. I have a hard time believing that cleaning is the only purpose for women. Yes, I engage in service. All the time. What is my purpose? What should I be doing besides cleaning? I know constant reading isn't it. But what is?
Michelle, Where do I start. I wish you saw your self as many others see you. Especially your father in Heaven. You shouldn't be disappointed with your self. You have brought 4 beautiful children in to this world. Though they may be as trying as many others kids including mine they are beautiful and well worth it. You have a wonderful personality and fun to be around. Your purpose is to be the best person (mother)you can be. Remember we are here to teach are kids about Christ and the Gospel and I think as long as we are trying to do that then we are on the right track.
ReplyDeleteI love to read too. But since having kids I've turned my book reading into my reward-- a dangling carrot if you will. I only really count on reading once my kids are all in bed and the house is tidied up. That way it's not as if those things are competing for 'my' time. It's just a given that my time is not during wakey hours!
ReplyDeleteAnd this comment is tongue-in-cheek, kindof---Maybe read some books where you can't compare yourself unfavorably to the heroine? I've read lots of books where I come away feeling like, 'woa, I have a much better life than that WWII soldier' or whatever, and isn't that preferable to feeling like, 'wow, how come my lame husband didn't swim across the ocean to rescue me from bodice ripping pirates?' (I know you don't read Harlequins but the point is the same!)
Good luck. Some days it's hard to feel productive and accomplished, but that's just because we forget how many different ways we CAN be productive and accomplished. Just remember how well you can sew and make bracelets and you're already two up on me....
I think we all have feelings of wondering how we got where we are, but I can't think of alternate life choices or alternate me's anymore because this is where I am! It's happier to focus on all the good I have right here in the present, and there's a lot that I forget to appreciate from day to day. Plus the future is still in our grasp...so you can be that awesome and energetic YW prez (if you can fix the system so we can have our desired callings), author, or missionary, with the best companion out there (hee hee).
ReplyDeleteI also am really strict on not comparing myself to anyone but me or demanding perfection of myself. Maybe it makes me too accepting of my weaknesses, but I am a lot happier this way and more apt to improve in a healthy manner that's real and suited to me and my own issues.
Also about cleaning...who loves it? It is just a small part of this domestic stuff, though. I do find when i take pride in my home and family by maintaining a clean house and having a system to do that I feel like the foundation to our homelife is more secure and I can better manage what the day brings without feeling disorganized and frustrated. And it's more fun this way, too! Way more fun to clean by choice than by order like when I was a kid.
And Michelle, if you have the skills, discipline, and patience to write books, what can't you do?? You can channel that energy anywhere!
Who is this posting? This is not the Michelle Wilson I met in MFHD371--it could not be!
ReplyDeleteRemember when we first met? You and your good man were just dating, and we realized we had a class together: "Work and Relationships in the Home," taught by Kathleen Bahr. I was glad to get to know my soon-to-be sister-in-law.
We definitely had a lot to talk about. The stark difference between what "the world" teaches about work in the home and what we were discussing in class was undeniable.
Come, journey back with me to those carefree days. I know we wrote papers to Dr. Bahr's specs, but we both agreed: there was truth in what we wrote, and in what we studied.
Let's review just a few points:
1) Working with your children helps make healthy children. Where else will they learn to work and take care of their stuff?
2) Making a home with respect is an act of love.
3) Women as homemakers are being devalued by marketers, television, literature, and in the schools. (We agreed in class that this is NOT the direction Heavenly Father would have us take.)
You ask whether "anyone else feels that way". You know the answer. Not only do millions feel that way, but we're being encouraged to feel that way every day. The purpose of this encouragement is the eventual destruction of families, which we're witnessing all around us.
The Michelle Wilson I know certainly stood stronger than outside influence. She knew what was right and that she'd have heavenly help to accomplish it when she arrived at that point in life.
Well, your name has changed. You have children and responsibilities. It's hard, just like we learned it would be. It's easy to forget the long-term purposes of work and home relationships, which is just what Dr. Bahr taught us. YOU ARE THE SAME MICHELLE I sat next to, committed to loving a family and laughing in the face of every influence that works to drag you down.
You expected this difficulty, and promised that you'd deal with it in a healthy way. Well, you are MICHELLE, and I have no doubt that you have the strength and love inside of you to make a wonderful home.
Okay, last thing: here's a great article by Dr. Bahr: Read it here. This is her BYU class, in a nutshell.
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